Blog

  • My Own, Possibly Controversial, One-Disc Tracklist For The Beatles’ White Album

    My own artwork for this imaginary version. Yes, that is the “SUPER DELUXE” font.

    …And yes, I am aware that the correct name for the album is just “The Beatles”, as in an eponymous title. No need to race down to the comment section only to find there isn’t one.

    SIDE A:

    1. Wild Honey Pie
    2. Back In The U.S.S.R.
    3. What’s The New Mary Jane (Esher Demo version)*
    4. Blackbird
    5. Piggies **

    SIDE B:

    1. Happiness Is A Warm Gun
    2. Birthday
    3. Cry Baby Cry
    4. Revolution 9 ***
    5. Long, Long, Long ****

    EXPLANATIONS VIA ASTERISKS:

    * Most people who have heard this have only been exposed to the rubbish studio version, which is an ungainly mess (although it is amusing to listen to if you’re in the right frame of mind). The original acoustic demo reveals it as a pretty good (and deeply eerie) sub-three-minute long number, with some particularly spooky harmony vocals and a much better take on the “freakout” ending. Shame about the lyrics…

    ** Ian MacDonald refers to this as “an embarrassing blot on [Harrison’s] discography” in Revolution In The Head, because a fuckwit by the name of Charles “Charlie Charles Marilyn Manson” Manson heard it and went bananas. Ian MacDonald didn’t understand punk, praised the horrible “stereo separation” on the versions of Beatles LPs available at the time, and when he first heard Bowie’s Low, he roared “Mother, this is too magickal for me,” and spent the rest of the day on the toilet. A grown man, scared of a record! Aside from that, good writer.

    *** Fucking deal with it, Giles Martin.

    **** As genuinely delightful as “Good Night” is, this feels more appropriate.

  • A gift from my sister, who went to Japan

    The character: My Melody (Sanrio)
    The thing: Some chocolate

    Alright then. What’s on the back?

    Right you are, then.

    And when we open it up, we get this in a little tray…

    Multicoloured chocolate! In pastels? Sure, why not.

    A closer look:

    In conclusion: chocolate.

  • New thing on itch.io: “The Reason Why The Closet-Man Is Never Sad”

    The writer Russell Edson died about ten years ago. This is one of his most notable prose-poems / vignettes / very very short stories / whatever you want to call them, converted into a very short text adventure by me.

    Click here to play online (via itch.io)…

  • New additional blog!

    Blammo is a new blog dedicated to stuff I write about telly. There are three articles up online already: A quick look at Channel 4 oddity Murun Buchstansangur; a review of the live-event-only documentary / deleted-scenes-fest on Brass Eye, Oxide Ghosts; and an updated version of my collation of Not the Nine O’Clock News Radio Times listings.

    Find it at: https://blammo.site/

  • The First Two Of Five

    https://michellepamelalyons.bandcamp.com/track/the-foxes-stand-in-a-circle-and-then-they-think-of-you

    https://michellepamelalyons.bandcamp.com/track/fly

  • From The Archives: A Baker’s Dozen Of Murun Buchstansangur

    As described in the weekend TV guide of The Southall Gazette, published Friday 12th November 1982: “5.20 MURUN BUCHSTANSANGUR. Original animated series featuring a smelly, disgusting, but irresistible creature that lives in a crack beneath the kitchen cupboard”.

  • From The Archives: Denis Norden’s Trailer Cinema, ITV (LWT), 1992

    From the Liverpool Echo, Saturday 28th November 1992:

    CONFESSION time.

    Denis Norden, the man who’s viewed more boobs on television than the Board of Film Censors, has an admission. He’s terrified of studio audiences.

    Yep. He says he “loathes” presenting, becomes “traumatised with panic” and would much prefer to take a back seat. But he can’t.

    He comes up with ideas for shows and because no-one else wants to perform his brand of “mild humour”, he says he ends up in the hot seat. Somewhere he would prefer not to be.

    It was he who dreamed up the format for the hugely successful It’ll Be All Right on the Night series that revealed the mistakes that never made it on air, and ran to more parts than the Rocky or Nightmare on Elm Street films.

    Now he’s come up with vet another format for a show – and again he’s drawn the short straw when it comes to presenting.

    Denis Norden’s Trailer Cinema (tonight, ITV, 9.05 pm) unearths the naff and the novel, the nauseating and nasty trailers that attempted to draw audiences to the B-movies of the 50s and 60s.

    The makers of B-movies knew that they weren’t likely to get bums on seats solely on the strength of their (usually awful) films, so they had to entice people to the cinema. Hence the imaginative trailers that even went so far as to show scenes that never actually featured in the movie.

    Denis Norden trawled through more than 2,000 trailers, selecting his favourite 100 for this hour long special. Watch out for the references to sex, and the introduction of “new” faces Joan Collins, Sean Connery and Leonard Nimoy.