Sam The Sandown Clown is BACK

Thank you to the person who messaged me on Bandcamp about the whole Sandown Clown thing going viral, er… about two weeks ago. Took me until now to address it, which is of course typical for me. Anyway, as I’m trying to make more of a crack at this whole London Paris New York Munich Everyone’s Talking ‘Bout Mmm Pop Music game, here’s a page that Distrokid have given me to link to. “Sam The Sandown Clown” should be going back online in all the usual places as time goes on. Not massively happy at having to play the streaming game, but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.

EDIT 19:21 PM BST – It’s on Youtube Music:

An actual dream I had the other night, where I dreamed I was in New York

POSH HOTEL SECURITY MAN: Are you enjoying your stay miss lady thank you ma’am
ME: Yes! I’m really excited about being in New York, the city that can never sleep

(I jump and down frantically due to being so thrilled. The security man looks at me sternly)

ME: …Would you like me to leave the building
POSH HOTEL SECURITY MAN: By the back entrance, please

Media Listings For The Upcoming Week, or: Copying Fist Of Fun

Are you a newspaper editor? Do you work at the Guardian? Do you work at BBC News? Are you involved in any way with British journalism? Then why not try Being Wry About Pies Day, which this year is being held near the Tesco in the District Shopping Centre on the outskirts of Basingstoke.

Everyone will sit around on orange plastic chairs in the car park and be wry (which is defined as being funny in a way that shows irony by stating that you think something is funny but also disappointing or annoying, but it is in fact you who are the annoying one) about pies (which are defined as food).

Under discussion will be pork pies, steak and kidney pies, lamb pies, pies made out of human heads or flesh or something like in Sweeney Todd, vegan pies, those pies that have fish heads sticking out of them, and eerie freakish pies that have nothing but gravy inside or just meat or nothing.

The detached joshing will come to an end at 6PM sharp, when someone will stand up from their orange plastic chair and shout “McDonald’s APPLE pies!”, and everyone will laugh as if they heard a joke and then go back home. Coffee and biscuits are available, but will be spurned.


Are you over the age of perhaps 30 or 40? Are you a newspaper columnist? Are you a newspaper editor? Do you work at the Guardian? Do you work at BBC News? Are you involved in any way with British journalism? Then why not get yourself down to Bridgwater in Somerset for Getting Annoyed At Old Cinema Equipment Day.

Taking place in the rundown environs of The Angel Place Shopping Centre, you can walk around bothering the miserable people of this awful town by getting pointlessly angry over the old ways of cinema exhibition. You can point at drawings you made of what you think a projector looks like and say “Honestly, there’s no need for this,” or wear a T-shirt that features the words “Film looks old and bad and isn’t as good as a Taylor Swift album”.

The performative disdain comes to an end at 6PM sharp, when everyone will hurl themselves backwards onto the ground and start imagining all the shit cinema adverts in their head, and pretend to enjoy them. Coffee and biscuits will be looked at.


Are you over the age of perhaps 30 or 40? Are you a newspaper columnist? Are you a newspaper editor? Do you work at the Guardian? Do you work at BBC News? Are you involved in any way with British journalism? Then why not get yourself down to Banstead in Surrey for Banstead Behaving Abnormally Day.

You can walk up to men and say things like “I’m looking at you, and I’m placing you in a category,” or you can tell women “We’re married, aren’t we?” and then look at them horrified as if they aren’t wearing any pants.

The gargling derangement comes to an end at 6PM sharp, when everyone will sing a racist song and then go to sleep for a thousand years. Coffee and biscuits are available, but will be flung through a window at the slightest opportunity.

Keith eats shit

“Yum, yum, there’s a gift in my pants now,” said Keir Starmer. He greedily digged out the loose mess smooshed between his cheeks with both hands, and plunged them into his mouth.

“I am a happy racist man,” said Keir to no one through a mouth full of shit. He was alone, in a very big room.

I’ve recovered a useful PDF and uploaded it to the Internet Archive

I noticed earlier that one of the linked essays in the Youtube description for hbomberguy’s “ROBLOX_OOF.mp3” video has fallen off the web, and so far hasn’t been put back up on the site it was on. Luckily a PDF was just about accessible on the Wayback Machine, and I reupped that PDF to the Internet Archive itself.

The Street Fighter Lady – Invisibility and Gender in Game Composition – Andy Lemon and Hillegonda C Rietveld

FUIPM!

Note for British journalists, and other members of “the marketplace of free ideas”:
If you want to make a complaint about the image above / me existing, please refer to this video