This is an annotated copy-paste archiving of the original listings for Not The Nine O’Clock News from the Radio Times, as harvested from the BBC Genome.
All listings are for the original broadcasts. Be aware that the transcriptions on Genome may contain some mistakes and formatting errors, which have been corrected if spotted. Comments in bold are added by me. Please also note that there will be “material that is of its time”, and that I do not necessarily support some of the implied opinions in the quoted text…
Not the Nine O’Clock News
(“Pilot” episode)
First (intended) broadcast: Mon 2nd Apr 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England
A new series of six topical comedy programmes with Rowan Atkinson, Chris Emmett, Christopher Godwin, John Gorman, Jonathan Hyde
This edition never went out. The announcement of the 1979 UK general election caused it to be pulled from the schedules, due to the BBC’s rules about comedy shows not being allowed to influence potential voters during a general election cycle. However, some sections from this ill-fated first try ended up being recycled for the following actual first series, which began that autumn, with an almost completely different cast after a bit of a re-think…
Not The Nine O’Clock News
Series 1, Episode 1
First broadcast: Tue 16th Oct 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The first of six topical comedy programmes, in which a team led by Rowan Atkinson, Chris Langham, Pamela Stephenson and Mel Smith offer unhinged interpretations of the world of news and current affairs.
Designer PAUL JOEL
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
(Rowan Atkinson is in The Atkinson People, on Radio 3 Friday, 10.0 pm)
Not The Nine O’Clock News
Series 1, Episode 2
First broadcast: Tue 23rd Oct 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The second of six topical comedy programmes, in which a team led by Rowan Atkinson, Chris Langham, Pamela Stephenson and Mel Smith offer unhinged interpretations of the world of news and current affairs.
Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
(Rowan Atkinson in The Atkinson People, Radio 3 on Friday, 10.0 pm)
Not The Nine O’Clock News
Series 1, Episode 3
First broadcast: Tue 30th Oct 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The third of six topical comedy programmes, in which a team led by Rowan Atkinson, Chris Langham, Pamela Stephenson and Mel Smith offer unhinged interpretations of the world of news and current affairs.
Designer PAUL JOEL
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
(Rowan Atkinson in The Atkinson People, Radio 3 on Friday, 10.0 pm)
…So yes, I’ll interrupt things there as the first series’ listings were very very straightforward. The rest of them followed the same basic pattern, with the plug for The Atkinson People dropped from the fourth one as the latter had finished airing. We pick up from what was effectively the Christmas special, which was a compilation of stuff from the first series...
Not the Least of Not the Nine O’Clock News
First broadcast: Fri 28th Dec 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Highlights from the series, in which Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Chris Langham and Pamela Stephenson offer their own anarchic view of the State of the Nation. (The repetition of that last sentence is giving me flashbacks to each introductory bit of continuity in this…)
This was then followed by a repeat of that compilation in March, to precede the second series.
Not the Least of Not the Nine O’Clock News
First (repeat) broadcast: Tue 18th Mar 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
A last chance to see highlights from the first series, featuring Rowan Atkinson, Chris Langham, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson and Griff Rhys Jones
Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE (A new series begins shortly)
And now finally we get to the actual point of this article. From the second series onwards, we get actual humour creeping into the previously dry Radio Times listings.
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 2, Episode 1
First broadcast: Mon 31st Mar 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The return of the comedy programme that won more awards than other programmes that haven’t won any awards at all have won. Featuring Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Griff Rhys Jones
Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 2, Episode 2
First broadcast: Mon 7th Apr 1980, 21:10 on BBC Two England
by William Shakespeare
Highlights from the Prague Festival Theatre’s expensive and overrated production of Shakespeare’s most famous sit-com.
King of Burgundy: Rowan Atkinson
Welsh army: Mel Smith
Portia: Pamela Stephenson
Old Nimmo: Griff Rhys Jones
Designer MARHORIE PRATT (This should be “Marjorie” – not sure if this was a scanning error or a typo in the original listing)
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD , SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 2, Episode 3
First broadcast: Mon 14th Apr 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
A situation comedy written by BOB DEASEY and MAURICE FOTE
Don’t Get Your Vicars in a Twist!
Trouble in store for the sofa when Ros has to explain away a misunderstanding with the milkman… with hilarious consequences!
Lovable young couple: Rowan Atkinson
Man from the gas board: Mel Smith
Girl on sofa: Pamela Stephenson
Pakistani: Griff Rhys Jones
Designer MARJORIE PRATT
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 2, Episode 4
First broadcast: Mon 21st Apr 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
from the Opera House, Welwyn.
WOOMERA PHILHARMONIC conductor CANAAN BANANA
Haydn No 95 ‘Excruciatingly Dull’ Symphony
Laundromat Avocado Ma, Non Mobutu Nimmo Quartet for strings and relish tray
Soloists: Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Griff Rhys Jones
Designer MARJORIE PRATT
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 2, Episode 5
First broadcast: Mon 28th Apr 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Drama Today
‘Gulp’ by GAVIN TOAD
Set in a small Welsh weaving shed, ‘Gulp’ looks at the events leading up to the abdication of Edward VIII through the eyes of a professional footballer and a politician’s widow. Expensively directed by a member of the Socialist Workers Party.
Mrs Simpson: Rowan Atkinson
Lord Reith: Pamela Stephenson
Virginia Woolf: Mel Smith
Vet: Griff Rhys Jones
Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
(Nowadays I’d quite happily watch the above for real. People in 1980 didn’t know they were born)
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 2, Episode 6
First broadcast: Mon 5th May 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
(Mae’n naw o’r gloch!) live from Bangor
17: Os awn ni nawr fe fyddwn ni yng Nghaerdydd oriau cyn y gem…
Gyda Griff Rhys Jones, Rowan Atkinson Jones, Mel Smith Jones, Pamela Stephenson Jones
Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK JONES
Producers JOHN LLOYD JONES, SEAN HARDIE JONES
(This is what the above says according to Google: “17: If we go now we will be in Cardiff hours before the game…” Also “Mae’n naw o’r gloch!” apparently means “It’s Nine o’clock!”.)
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 2, Episode 7
First broadcast: Mon 12th May 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The Death Lasers of Kzaarn
Huge evil squids threaten to destroy the universe, but the Doctor is trapped in the same concrete corridor as last week…
Zagglimorgx: Rowan Atkinson
Talking suitcase: Mel Smith
Mini-skirted alien: Pamela Stephenson
Fourth extra wearing hat with rubber tentacle on: Griff Rhys Jones
There then followed a small series of compilation episodes, lasting for three weeks.
The Bert of Not the Nine O’Clock News (Not a typo)
First broadcast: Tue 9th Sep 1980, 21:30 on BBC Two England
Some of the greatest hats (also not a typo) from the last series.
The Jewish-looking one: Rowan Atkinson
The fat one with split ends: Mel Smith
Sex interest: Pamela Stephenson
The other one: Griff Rhys-Jones
Twenty-Five Years of Not the Nine O’clock News
First broadcast: Tue 16th Sep 1980, 21:30 on BBC Two England
2: The Formative Years
More highlights from the first four per cent.
Trusty Old Ham: Rowan Atkinson
Man who saw Old Ham on bus: Mel Smith
Ancient Crone with face lift: Pamela Stephenson
Face in crowd: Griff Rhys Jones
Not the Lot of Not the Nine O’Clock News
First broadcast: Tue 23rd Sep 1980, 21:30 on BBC Two England
The last of the best of the last lot. A new lot is set for Oct with the old lot: Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson and Griff Rhys Jones
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
Onto the third series…
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 3, Episode 1
First broadcast: Mon 27th Oct 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The first of eight programmes: The Banana of T’ai
Twenty years ago, the remote island of Santa Meej boasted one of the largest banana stocks in Brazil. Today only one is left.
Nympho with chocolate bar: Rowan Atkinson
Man in Land-Rover with binoculars: Mel Smith
HRH The Prince Philip: Pamela Stephenson
Thane of Fyffe: Griff Rhys Jones
Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
(Title written in Korean)
Series 3, Episode 2
First broadcast: Mon 3rd Nov 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
BBC2 North Korean Cinema Season
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Perhaps Ng Mnong’s least seminal work, which tells the story of two Korean orphans whose adventures with a water lily and a duck (symbolising the bicycle and the vacuum flask) become tragically entangled in the ideological panic of the Great Step Sideways.
“Recommended…” (Sheridan Morley)
Ho Vis: Rowan Atkinson
Eg Nog: Mel Smith
Frank Chapple: Griff Rhys Jones
Hydroelectric dam: Pamela Stephenson
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 3, Episode 3
First broadcast: Mon 10th Nov 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The third of eight programmes
Gosh, that’s amazing!! Weekly look at relevant and unusable technological gimmickry, packaged together to look like a building society commercial.
Laser device for opening Long Life milk cartons: Rowan Atkinson
Man who keeps pointing at things with his ballpoint pen: Mel Smith
Plastic greenhouse: Pamela Stephenson
Carpet salesman: Griff Rhys Jones
Designer COLIN LOWRY
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 3, Episode 4
First broadcast: Mon 17th Nov 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The fourth of eight programmes
The Mysterious Television Programme of Arthur C. Clarke
Venezuelan geologist: Rowan Atkinson
Intergalactic foetus: Griff Rhys Jones
Dishonest amateur photographer: Mel Smith
Former head of programmes, Yorkshire Television: Pamela Stephenson
Designer COLIN LOWREY
Director BILL WILSON
Producers SEAN HARDIE and JOHN LLOYD
(At the end of this listing is a plug for the then-forthcoming vinyl release and accompanying book:)
Record (REB 400) and cassette (ZCR 400), from record shops. Book (same title), £1.95, from bookshops, from 27 November
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 3, Episode 5
First broadcast: Mon 24th Nov 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The fifth of eight programmes
Special collectors’ edition made to commemorate HRH Prince Charles’ 32nd consecutive winter holiday in Australia. Hand-tinted by Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones, Pamela Stephenson and Mel Smith.
(Contains jokes of more than one country of origin)
Not the Nine O’Clock News Surplus Sale
Series 3, Episode 6
First broadcast: Mon 1st Dec 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The sixth of eight programmes
Ex-SAS Coat Hanger Car Aerial, ££2.95. Genuine ex-Traffic Warden No Parking Cones, £4.67. Phoney TV-cum-contact lenses, £56.80. Wide selection reconditioned Rowan Atkinsons, Mel Smiths, Griff Rhys Joneses, Pamela Stephensons to be sold as seen.
(This listing was hidden on BBC Genome under an “offensive language” warning, because whatever automated system that was in place couldn’t understand the context in which “cum” was being used…)
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 3, Episode 7
First broadcast: Mon 8th Dec 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The seventh of eight programmes
Special anniversary edition!
Many happy returns of the day to Lord Diplock, Lord of Appeal in Ordinary (73), Mr Maurice Green, former editor Daily Telegraph (74), and the Declaration of War on Japan (39) from Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Griff Rhys Jones.
Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK
Director BILL WILSON
Producers SEAN HARDIE, JOHN LLOYD
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 3, Episode 8
First broadcast: Mon 15th Dec 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The last of eight programmes
Twenty-first and final edition with Griff Rhys Jones, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Rowan Atkinson
Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
(No jokes here – possibly a degree of exhaustion had set in by the end of the series, although it seems more likely that John Lennon’s murder a week prior may have caused a brief retreat from thinking up silly listings. Reportedly the entire team spent the first day of production on the final episode too depressed to write anything.
Also… the claim that this is the “final edition” is rather curious. Were they thinking of knocking it on the head after three series? Actually, the answer to that’s probably been written up somewhere. Focus, Michelle, focus!)
In 1981 the programme took an extended break off TV screens, with the gap filled with various things: a live show, a radio special covering the Royal Wedding, more books and more records. In Autumn 1981, another selection of compilations followed.
Not Another Not the Nine O’Clock News
First broadcast: Fri 9th Oct 1981, 21:00 on BBC Two England
First of three of bits of the best of the last three series shoved together in a different order.
Featuring
Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones, Mel Smith and Pamela Stephenson
Director BILL WILSON
Producers SEAN HARDIE , JOHN LLOYD
Not the Nine O’Clock News (record RES 421. cassette ZCF 421) from retailers
An Eighth Chance to See Not the Nine O’Clock News
First broadcast: Fri 16th Oct 1981, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Another chance to bone up on the bits you don’t quite know by heart yet from the previous three series. With Rowan Thingy, Pamela Whatsit, Mel Errrm and Griff Rhys Jones
Director BILL WILSON
Producers JOHN LLOYD , SEAN HARDIE
Last of the Summer Repeats
First broadcast: Fri 23rd Oct 1981, 21:00 on BBC Two England
26: Not the Nine O’Clock News
The inimitable four old codgers take another turn down memory lane.
Mulch: Rowan Atkinson
Nimmo: Mel Smith
Cheesy: Griff Rhys Jones
Humpo: Pamela Stephenson
And now the final fourth series in 1982! Things start in a slightly more subtle manner than usual, and then once again go completely off the rails.
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 4, Episode 1
First broadcast: Mon 1st Feb 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Due to lack of space in this edition of Radio Times, there is, regrettably, no room to give details about the above programme in the allotted amount of area available, due to the shortage of allottable pagery, except to say that the usual allocation is larger than this.
Featuring Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Griff Rhys Jones, Rowan Atkinson
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 4, Episode 2…
(…and here we hit a snag, in that I can’t find the listing for the second episode. There doesn’t seem to have been any strike action that stopped that week’s Radio Times going out, or anything along those lines – whatever the listing was, it’s has been omitted from Genome, and in its place is a basic write-up done for iPlayer. Anyway, for the sake of completion, episode 2 was broadcast Monday 8th Febuary 1982, at the standard time of 9PM on BBC2, and it was the one with the Game For A Laugh parody. Now let’s just skip over to the third one…)
Ni He Seo An Nuacht Ag A Naoi A Chlog (That’s “Not the Nine O’Clock News” in the Irish language)
First broadcast: Mon 15th Feb 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Series 4, Episode 3
Irish General Election Special with subtitles
Ruadhn Mac Aidicin (Rowan Atkinson), Mel Mac Gabhann (Mel Smith), Pamela Nic Stiofain (Pamela Stephenson), Griff Rhys Mac Seion (Griff Rhys Jones)
A roisin Phil (Posy),
Ta suil agam go bhfuil tu slan. Mo bhron nach raibh me in ann scriobh chugat ach bhi an iomarca oibre Ie deanamh agam anseo sa Radio Times – se sin i roinn na coitchirte. Mile buiochas le haghaidh na stocai. Tabhair focail do Sinead ar mo shon-se.
Mise le meas, Sean.
(A Google translation of the above: “Dear Phil (Posy), I know you are. I felt like I couldn’t write to you but I had too much work to do here in the Radio Times – that’s in the commons department. A thousand thanks for the stocks. Give Sinead words on my behalf. Yours sincerely, Sean.”)
Not the Nine O’Clock News on Ice
Series 4, Episode 4
First broadcast: Mon 22nd Feb 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Spectacular tedium for children from 1 ½ to 90, from the Schwarzwaldkirschentorteleizurcenter, Munchen Gladbach.
Introduced by JOHNNI STYLE with ARMAND AND MURIEL and the HEINRICH KNODL HARMONICA RASCALS
Robin Cousins: Pamela Stephenson
Gang of oovy(?) brigands: Rowan Atkinson
Huge chicken in skis: Griff Rhys Jones
Humorous cowpoke: Mel Smith
Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK
Director GEOFF POSNER
Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
To Let
Series 4, Episode 5
First broadcast: Mon 1st Mar 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Convenient space, central BBC2 conservation area, adjacent BBC1 with handy rear access to Radio 1; would suit Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones or perhaps Pamela Stephenson; might convert into comedy programme like Not the Nine O’Clock News (subject to usual permissions).
Sole agents David Hitchcock (Designer), Geoff Posner (Director), Sean Hardie, John Lloyd (Producers)
Book, Not the Nine O’Clock News, £1.95 from booksellers
Not the Nine O’Clock News
Series 4, Episode 6
First broadcast: Mon 8th Mar 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Dear Not the Nine O’Clock News, I would like to complain in the strongest possible terms about your treatment of………………… in the last programme ever. It was disgusting/ outrageous/rancid/not nearly long enough. I am not a prude/fat old codger/your mother, but this really takes the biscuit/mickey/last train to Clarksville. I shall not be watching again, yours sincerely ….
PS My favourite was Mel Smith/Griff Rhys Jones/Rowan Atkinson/Pamela Stephenson/Designer David Hitchcock/Director Geoff Posner/Producers Sean Hardie, John Lloyd (Delete/fill in as applicable)
Book (same title), £1.95 from booksellers
(In 1983 there was another short run of compilation episodes, to squeeze out some final repeats out of the series. Those listings aren’t really worth copy and pasting as they’re pretty straightforward. By this time everyone involved had gone their seperate ways, with some of the last output basically being John Lloyd and various writers putting out more books along the lines of those ones you kept seeing plugs for in the Radio Times listings. Which is a topic for another day, perhaps…)
